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After having to sign another scroll — and paying an amercement of a mere sixty-two silver coins, arbitrarily based upon the number of pieces of clothing that had fallen into the alley and onto the guards, plus the cost of ropes and the signage — Guard Properly-Dressed showed Thadus from the so-called “Lower City” to the “Upper City”. From the gate between the two, a guard of higher standing, if the appearance was anything to base assumptions on, soon showed the spellcaster their selections of… subpar entertainment and dining.

Not only was it subpar in the Upper City, it didn’t even share even a fraction of the same tantalising fragrance and the food in the artisan district. It was an offence, but Thadus was willing to entertain these lowly mortals. Once they had been sufficiently entertained, he would leave. 

Thadus strolled through the valved opening, decorated with colourful porcelain tiles, entering a square from which statues flanking every street. At the centre was a raised pagoda with a marble statue. A man in a light purple jacket and a shameless entourage of half a dozen servants walked past, not deigning to give Thadus even a look. Thadus returned the disinterest.

The poor imitation reeked of perfume. Thadus wasn’t so desperate to learn of mortal failure he wished to converse with a pretentious impersonation of refinement.

While the streets were less crowded and wider, they were dirtier. There were flowers lining the streets, but they did little to hide the stench of sewage. He could only endure after he quietly commanded the breeze to bring the offense away from him — behind the back of the guard, naturally. These mortals had a knack for making him pay for matters that were not his to deal with.

Guard Viridian-Coat respectfully explained that Upper City was the sole location that could host an exalted guest, such as a spellcaster. The nobles, the two ministers, the head cleric of the High Order, and naturally also the city lord of the Rockforge city-state all lived in these quarters as well. 

As such, the most refined inns were also located in the Upper City. Those living here sent servants to the Lower City for matters such as shopping. If they needed a tailor, there were a few who lived in the Upper City. If the city lord was pleased, then an artisan or craftsman may be allocated a shop here. If they fell out of favour, naturally they would be exiled.

Thadus spotted more equine waste along the street than any signs of mortals, which made him yearn for the human bodies pressed against him in the market district. How mortals could even live with having horses — HORSES!! — trotting on the streets was beyond him. Did mortals not know about the fact that droppings stunk? Had they no noses? Did they thrive in dung?!

Even if they were to claim it was to fertilise plants, what plants did they desire to grow between cobblestones? None of this equine waste was placed in the large flower beds. Did mortals not know one fertilised plants by placing manure where they grew, not on the stone beside the bed? How uneducated these beasts were!

“This here is our most elevated inn,” Guard Viridian-Coat said as he motioned an armoured arm toward a building that looked practically deserted. There was no music, no educated discussion, not even someone on a bench outside, leisurely lounging while waiting for one’s fellow peers to dine, or too idle to leave before their next meal.

Of course, with the stench out in the streets, naturally no one would desire to spend their afternoon lounging there.

In Fifteenth Eden, people would frequently be seen lounging in the streets to rest between activities, whether it was a meal, visiting one of many libraries, being hosted by acquaintances, or simply having a pleasant — or unpleasant — conversation about various matters. Some simply wanted to retrieve some sunlight, as it had been proven sunlight would open one’s mind and communing with spirits would be easier. Most would spend a few minutes a day soaking in the sun. Just as many would also try to soak in the moonlight when it was full, although that had no benefits. It was simply a refined activity and perfect for reciting poetry.

The closer they came, the worse the stench. Not only did this inn have no tantalising food smell, it was stinking with artificial fragrance. Even the breeze couldn’t save him from the offense. Thadus raised his sleeve to cover his nose before his eyes watered and he couldn’t hold back his sneezes.

Insolent fools, these mortals.

This odour was an offence against not just Thadus but even the spirits around him were affronted. No wonder the lands outside the city remained infertile — were they not offending the local spirits of the land with insults such as this, surely they would be happy to cooperate even if mortals had no ability to commune.

“Have you dined here?” Thadus asked behind his sleeve.

The guard turned to him. “Exhalted Master, how could you ask such? I am of much too low status to afford it. It would be an affront to the city lord to even suggest such a thing.”

“Then, go request me a private quarter to dine in. Aired out. Unperfumed. Bring an armful of flowers. I want a refined musician too. If possible, a minimum of ten to thirty books of high quality to read as well. I seek to eat local cuisine,” Thadus reasonably requested.

The guard looked awkward, but after a bow, he did enter the inn to tell them about the spellcaster’s orders.

A few minutes later, Guard Viridian-Coat stepped out again. “They say there are no private rooms available at the moment.”

Thadus was busy raising the flowers to grow bigger and more fragrant just at that moment when the guard returned. He felt bitter at the announcement, turning to the offensive Guard Viridian-Coat. Every plant touching his sceptre, even for a sweeping second, absorbed his bad mood and wilted, the leaves audibly crumpling.

Thadus refused to look at them. They were the ones who accepted the bad mood. He didn’t force it upon them. That was the fault of these flowers.

“Does this city not have private accommodation?” Thadus asked.

“Exalted caster, this is not true! We do have them. It is only that, at this particular time, the limited rooms are being used at this in. Let us go to the next tavern! It is nearby.”

Thadus could hardly be happy about such an arrangement. He had already been to so many of these establishments, and all he’s gain from it was paying for something he hadn’t even caused. He felt wronged on every level of indignation possible.

Even in Eden one might come across difficulties and arguments, but who had ever heard of having to paying amercements for poor ropes and dirty laundry that fell upon local guard, or visiting seven different locations for dining and still not able to get any private seats? This was truly subpar even by mortal standards, was it not?

“Never mind,” Thadus said. “If there are no private rooms, I can sit among others. But I require a table for myself.”

The guard nodded. “Of course, Your Lordship is naturally of good heart and mind. I shall have this arranged.”

Thadus felt the corners of his mouth twitch at the higher tone of voice, indicating this person was truly… mocking him.

As the guard had turned to re-enter the inn, he made several cobblestones rise, so the guard took several stumbling steps. When he looked back to see what he had tripped over, the stones were back in place and Thadus was already busying himself with the withered flowers, trying to salvage a few seeds from them to grow new ones in the withered ones’ place. Thadus saw from the corner of his eye how the guard turned and immediately tripped over his own feet in confusion as he tries to understand what had just happened.

What a disgracefully incompetent mortal.

Compared to the fiend, this mortal couldn’t even be called clumsy, but rather should be considered an embarrassment to humanity. How could such a person be a guard?

Even Guard Properly-Dressed seemed to be of higher capabilities.

Thadus concluded this guard must have used silver to buy his position. This was a thing he had heard mortals did at times. That green coat would be better used on someone else.

He decided to focus on the flowers. They were more important. He hadn’t meant to make them suffer, even if they had accepted the bitterness. He managed to get a handful of seeds and then pulled the withered blooms out of the dirt. He asked the earth spirits to use what he had to space them well for him while he focussed on finding a water spirit. Droplets slowly gathered at the end of his sceptre, but he couldn’t find any consciousness of water anywhere nearby. He was forced to follow the ill-advised practice of asking the winds to spread the water for him over the buried seeds. The earth was not pleased when half of it splashed onto the street, but there was nothing Thadus could do about this matter. What was he supposed to do?

Pour the water onto the seeds himself? What an absurd thought!

He coaxed the flowers to grow once more, but seedlings were fragile and he could only bring them to an unbloomed state before he let them rest. He was proud of them, and a seedling wrapped around his sceptre in gratitude.

“Let go,” he told it. “You’re dirtying my tool.” He paused, before awkwardly adding. “It’s dangerous, young one. Learn from your elders.”

Only when the seedling had let go did he turn to the inn once more. Guard Viridian-Fool looked at him with a complex expression.

“Well? Was there not even a table available?” Thadus asked, immediately feeling the impatience of the imminent offence of rejection.

“No. There is indeed one open for you, Exalted Sir.”

“Why are you looking at me like I’m a fool, then? Have you never told a person they are allowed into an establishment before?”

The guard gave Thadus an ingratiating smile. “I have never needed to, no, Exalted Master.”

Thadus grit his teeth.

Incompetent, insolent, imbecilic mortal.

He would endure this. He should accept that this guard had no sense of propriety. He could entertain this mortal to this degree, as it would not harm his reputation. Thadus needed to be magnanimous.

Thadus would merely burn this man’s house down if he ever found out where he lived.

Naturally, the house alone, no need for casualties. Spells were not meant to end life. Many a spellcaster had broken this taboo and not without consequence.

Thadus wouldn’t stoop as low as mortals and cause unredeemable harm. He lacked their cruelty, disorder and questionable fertilisation practices.

He stepped forward, and the impertinent guard bowed while motioning toward the door of the white stone building. The door swung open with a loud crack, but Thadus ignored it. He raised his sleeve and strolled into the cloyingly perfumed inn. Perhaps they had let something rot in there, based on how heavily perfumed this awful establishment was.

He found a table and turned to Guard Viridian-Fool. “Now, ensure I receive local cuisine.”

He looked around and saw a few people, dressed in bright colours, dining alone at tables. It was too quiet, not even a conversation.

“Get me a musician, too. Or a poet. A poet might do as well.”

“…As you will, Exalted Sir.”

Thadus saw the guard leave out of the door. Naturally, and gratefully, the man would never have returned to the inn, having now left. Thadus had already lost fate in a fool such as that man.

And there was no music, no poetry, not even a decent discussion. A rat was a more refined dining company than this.

The food had no taste. It took too long. It was cold when served. No wonder no one desired to eat at this pathetic excuse of an establishment.

Thadus left the Upper City after merely two bites. He had finally had enough of this ridiculous farce. It wasn’t worth spending even a copper coin on.

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Author’s Note

Time for discussion: Did he, or did he not, pay for that “meal”?