Time to Read:
When the warmest time of day was about to arrive, Linden reached for a bag and procured a folded piece of paper. They looked at the rectangle for some time, before they steered off-course to find a stream. After some distance, they dismounted and went over to a stream cleaving the sad patches of mostly dead grass of the land scattered with the occasional tree. They crouched at the shore and dipped their hand in it, before straightening up.
Only then did they look at Thadus and suggested, “Lord Thadus, let us take a short rest for now.”
He begrudgingly slowly descended, taking a few steps in the air to touch the ground. He continued to keep a reasonable distance from the speckled beast.
It would be better off eaten than ridden.
Linden led the horse to the stream to water it, before removing their cloak, boots and socks, and rolled up their trouser legs.
“What are you doing? If this is a place to short rest, don’t undress. We should continue, so I will receive the money you owe me sooner rather than later.”
“No need to rush so much, Lord Thadus. All things have their turn. Even if it is not hot at this time, it is of good habit to rest when the sun shines the brightest upon the world. More so in a place like these lands which have few resources.”
Thadus shook his head at this foolishness.
However, Linden cared little for this and took off their jacket, before they grabbed the pipe and spun into a javelin. With it in hand, they entered the stream and stood there, water up to above their knees, perfectly still, as if frozen in motion much like a statue.
Even if it was a decent temperature, it could still be chilly, and the stream certainly wasn’t going to make someone feel any warmer.
“You will catch a chill and end your puny mortal life because of a case of pneumonia,” he told them, as he motioned for the earth to make him a seat. “Who do I then collect my debt from? Do enlighten me on this.”
“Lord Thadus need not worry about the debt. Were it so that I would come to an untimely demise in illness, I shall have a document prepared, stamped and sealed for him to bring to the nearest bank to have the money withdrawn from my account,” Linden promised, and added, “However, I have never caught pneumonia and rarely ever get ill, although I did suffer a case of illness after a meal that had me sick whilst in Pinedale a couple of years back.”
“Surely through recklessness, I reckon. What did you eat? Something off the filthy streets?”
“No, a wealthy merchant served me a meal because I helped him with a minor matter — it was nothing of importance — and then I got ill.”
“So it was indeed recklessness.”
“I will admit it undeniably was. I have not eaten food prepared for myself in any of the city-states since, and only eat what is shared amongst many or made by yours truly. I have no one to test the food for me, after all. Though the merchant also got quite ill, so it was merely a coincidence and likely improper preparation.”
Thadus parted his lips to speak, but before he could, Linden struck into the water twice in quick succession. They raise the javelin, with a fish speared through its body.
“I missed the second one. How unfortunate.” They looked at the water, then moved back to the shore. “One is enough for now. I shall find us dinner later.”
Thadus wrinkled his nose.
“If Lord Thadus so wishes, he could clean himself up in the stream.”
“I am not desperate for the experience to bathe in a stream, but you have my deepest gratitude for the utter disregard of my dignity.”
Linden shrugged as they moved over to their beast to take out a knife and a small leather pouch.
They rolled down their trousers and put on their socks and shoes once more before they gathered small sticks and dry grass in a small pile.
The fire struggled with the low quality fuel it had been given. The flame licked at the grass, but wasn’t fond of how it curled and tried to devour the sticks instead.
“Come on, little one. You can burn, no?” Linden encouraged it gently but there was no response from the small fire.
Linden didn’t seem to take it to heart, and sat down on the ground to prepare the fish.
It wasn’t a large fish by any means. It couldn’t be longer than Linden’s forearm. They quickly clean it, then sharpened a stick before they went over to the stream, rinsing the fish before spearing it once more on the stick. They dug in the ground to secure it, cooking the single fish over the fire.
Thadus found all this rather tasteless and uncivilised. There wasn’t even a proper kitchen. Working on the ground, with only river water to clean it up. It was appalling what mortals did. How could this not make every mortal ill?
May them all learn to cook in clean environments, by receiving the worst food poisoning of their lives in the next few days!
Thadus felt the vine slither over his shirt sleeve toward the water.
No! It could be dirty, and it’s too cold!
The vine paused and remained in the same position for a few moments. What it waited for, Thadus didn’t know, but it then settled down, wrapped around his arm.
A wind spirit rustled the leaves of the nearby tree. The roots deep into the ground groaned as it tried to shake off the mischievous gust that was pulling at its leaves. This only made the sprite more playful, and several leaves were ripped away.
Thadus looked away, unwilling to be so discourteous as to watch the old aspen be stripped naked in front of strangers. This was merely the nature of the cycle of spirits. Trees were stripped to their barest at times.
As he thought about nature, Thadus heard Linden suddenly ask, “What is Lord Thadus looking at? As far as I can see, there is only half-dried grass in the direction.”
He looked at them. They looked in the same direction as he had, before they turned to him.
“Even grass is not merely grass,” he said. “There are burrows in tall grasses and insects are found even in the short one. Birds far and wide can make use of it, even when there’s not enough water to sustain a meadow. It is no different than looking at the stream, which is both the hearth and heart of the landscape.”
“That is indeed true. Lord Thadus is wise in this regard.”
Thadus huffed.
Naturally, he was wise. Naturally, he was powerful. Naturally, he alone understood nature as it ought to be.
This was a matter of course.
He watched as Linden tried to coax the fire once more, to no avail. They put on their jacket again and went to get more fuel.
He stood up and retrieved the sceptre from his sleeve. He walked up to the water and paused by it. Eyes closed, he called to the water spirits. He had a matter he wanted to ask them about, now that he recalled it.
He had just touched upon a string of their consciousnesses when something lightly pushed him from behind. He opened his eyes as he stumbled a couple of steps forward, catching himself before he tumbled into the water.
Fury filled him almost instantly, and he turned to get rid of the monstrosity he knew it must be.
Alas, the world of mortals was a cruel one, and he slipped on a wet rock at the same moment as he heard Linden’s voice: “Lord Thadus! Beware of—!”
Next he knew, he found himself sitting in the stream, the current dousing him with an unnatural wave. Coughing out the water that had entered his mouth, he slowly stood up, every inch of him dripping. He wiped the water from his face with his hands, and pushed his hair out of his face, glaring at where he originally had been standing.
Not far from that location stood Linden. On the ground, a notable distance behind them, was a number of scattered sticks, and the wind caught some loose dry grass and brought it along as it passed the pile. The mortal’s expression was complex, as if they wanted to laugh at his misery but pitied for having tumbled into this filthy stream. Their lips were pressed thin and their brows pulled closer together. They studied him before they deliberately placed a hand on their hip, the other hand remained clenched tightly at their side.
He was certain they were laughing at him! They must be! They saw him as a fool!
He had no dignity like this! None at all! His honourable reputation as a spellcaster was ruined because of the horse, that had the audacity to studying him, several paces away from the bank. It lowered its head to graze off of the small patch of green grass it had found.
“Don’t you dare say a word,” he told Linden, his voice low.
They looked at him for some time more before they let out a heavy sigh as they turned their face to the ground at their feet, their shoulder slumping with released tension. Their voice was soft and coaxing as they looked back up, their expression helpless. “Lord Thadus, now that it has come to this… would you still find it entirely unreasonable to at least borrow some soap whilst you get a bath?”
Thadus was quiet for a moment before he simply admitted, “…No, I would not.”
He was not unreasonable, after all. He was already drenched because of the horror of a beast and he was absolutely disgusting prior to this after sleeping at that awful farm. He might as well at least smell decently.
“Then, may I suggest I wash your coat whilst at it? We have the misfortune to have no villages nearby, so with the need to dry your garments, I have no other option than to set up camp here, regardless.”
“Do as you will,” he grumbled, removing the items in his coat pockets as he waded to the bank.
Meanwhile, the mortal walked over to the fire, picking up the scattered sticks, and added more fuel before they moved to their monstrosity and unloaded it, removed the saddle and bridle, and took away the blanket. They looked at their items, and after some consideration, they went up to the aspen tree. The spirit playing among its leaves paused, seemingly curious about the mortal, and with a gust, it closed the distance to them.
Linden’s jacket hem fluttered in the breeze as they bowed to the tree. “I will, unfortunately, now show great discourtesy, but this is due necessity. May the spirit of this tree offer my humble self amnesty for this indiscretion.”
They twirled their pipe onto an axe, weighed it in their hand for a moment, but then tossed it up, returning it to a pipe.
Thadus sniffed at the peculiarity, but concerned himself no longer with it. Instead, he removed his coat and raised it up, staring at how it looked more akin to the unpleasant shade of brown of dried blood than the beautiful red it was when dry. He shook it twice, but it was heavy with water, only splashing drops all arround him.
There was an oddly sharp thud and Thadus turned to the mortal to see them with a sword in hand, hacking away at the base of a branch.
Why on earth they used a sword form instead of that axe form, Thadus couldn’t understand. That seemed rather odd. But mortals made little sense. The blade shone white every time it caught the light of the afternoon sun, and the golden hilt was rather conspicuous, to say the least, especially as it had what looked like a gold and a red tassel hanging from the pommel.
He tossed his coat onto a rock by the bank, then he waded to the middle of the stream, trying to find his golden sceptre that he had dropped when he fell. A water spirit that had noticed him gathered itself around to help him find. He knew there was little use in telling it to stop, even if it made the current far stronger and unpredictable. It was clear this was an ancient sprite that had divided this part of the land for many centuries, if not millennia, as it neither would let him fall, nor would it let its stream remain weak while it reversed the river’s current to move upstream, confusing the fish.
When Thadus had finally found his precious sceptre, he poured magic into it and shook it out, but the absorbed element was not a small amount.
“…”
He stared at in, realising that all the many gusts he had collected earlier had been replaced with… the saturated magic of ordinary river water.
While this was usually not an issue, that was assuming he was in Eden. He would often absorb water into his sceptre to bring a light drizzle upon his garden in dryer seasons.
Now he had no way of levitating until he made room for winds once more.
This certainly was a miscalculation that he had not been able to foresee. Had he known this could happen, he would have carried with him a few more sceptres.
Or, at the very least, a water amulet.
He returned to dry land.
Linden had hacked away two branches and was using a dagger to clean them up. As he approached the fire, they paused to hold some twigs in his direction. “Would Lord Thadus mind to use magic to dry these so they can be used for the fire?”
Thadus, at this point, had little reason to disagree about using his magic this way. He could light a flame with but not maintain it with his sceptre with purely fluid magic at his disposal.
He watched as Linden fuelled the fire with the dried wood. They began to carve out sections of branches, seemingly making notches or some sort.
“Will Lord Thadus bathe in the stream or conjure up a bath?” Linden eventually asked.
“While I’m not an agricultural caster, I’m not a carpentry caster either, and there is enough of neither metal nor wood to make a tub,” Thadus informed them.
“What about stone?”
“Do you truly think casters can make miracles? Rocks can’t possibly be used to make a bath.”
The vile little mortal paused and gave him a perplexed expression. They then told him the most ridiculous of jokes, and not an amusing one either. They said, “The bath I had at home was entirely in stone. It was quite large too, and water heated well in it. I used nothing else prior to my adolescent years.”
“Nonsense!”
This mortal was truly thinking him a fool!
Thadus angrily removed his boots, and dressed down into only his undershirt and trousers.
“The soap is in the waterproof pouch attached to the bedroll,” they said as Thadus turned to leave the fire. “There are two large towels somewhere amongst my belongings, too, were it so, that you would need them right away.”
Thadus needed no towel! He strode over to take the soap and returned to the stream.
When he had entered the chilly water once again, he looked back and saw only saw the fiery bun they had put their hair in, and the golden yellow back of the jacket; the mortal had shifted where they sat by the fire.
At least they had the most minimal amount of decency one would expect!
Unfortunately, they were still a mere mortal, as it were, with a poor understanding of proper etiquette, as they had proven not much earlier.
Thadus would not forget this! He noted he would have to tell them how they were raised wrong as soon as he had the proper circumstances for it.
Author’s Note
He needed a bath. He got one in the only proper way he would be able to take it, and in the worst possible way to him dignity (according to him).